Second Star to the Right
by MamaBearKat
Summary: Growing up as an only child on a large estate with only her parents and tutors for company, Lucy Heartfilia had always longed for a best friend her own age. In her dreams she finds Natsu. But when tragedy strikes her family, will the dreams continue? And if Lucy grows away from him, will Natsu still be able to find her? Peter Pan AU
1. Chapter 1

Ah, Fairy Tail. You and all your wonderful characters belong to the amazing Hiro Mashima. I don't own you, but I wish I did.

* * *

All children grow up. Lucy Heartfilia had always known this somehow, even though her mother often spun her around in the garden, exclaiming, 'You're going to be my tiny star forever!', while she giggled excitedly, her long golden pigtails streaming in an arc behind her.

To Lucy, her Mama Layla was the most beautiful person she had ever seen. Her brown eyes always seemed to sparkle with supressed laughter, and her long blonde hair, which was usually tied up in a messy bun to keep it out of her way, would shine in the sunlight. True, Lucy didn't see that many people to compare her to. They stayed at home mostly; well, Mama and her did, and her father was always at work. Her mother, an artist, worked in her studio, painting giant landscapes of starry skies. Her father, Jude, worked at the stock exchange, and while he mostly spoke of stocks, shares, dollars and cents, he always had a smile for Lucy when she ran to greet him at the door if he arrived home before her bedtime. He saved his best smiles for her Mama though. Lucy privately thought that her Papa considered her Mama to be the most beautiful person in the world too.

Now that she was older, Lucy herself spent her days at lessons. Tutors would come to their home, which was on a large property out of town, and she would learn the skills a lady apparently needed, such as sewing, deportment and dancing. These lessons were not particularly exciting to a ten year old girl, but she tolerated them, because her father was pleased when she did well. He was rather a stern father, and earning his pride was important to Lucy. He valued hard work and dedication, so even though Lucy didn't see the reason behind knowing which fork to eat her salad with, or how to dance a waltz, she did the lessons for him. It was her other lessons which really excited her – literature, art and astronomy. When her lessons finished for the day, she would run to her mother's studio in the garden so they could spend time together before dinner. Spending time with her Mama was the best part of her day.

Lucy loved looking at the stars before bedtime. With no other children around, only her Mama and Papa, and the tutors, she often felt a little lonely for company her own age. But when she looked at the stars, she didn't feel as alone. She almost felt they were winking at her. Sometimes her mother would join her, pointing out the planets and constellations. She had a small telescope in her bedroom on the top floor, tucked into the gable of the roof, overlooking the tall pine trees in the back garden. Her little room's walls were filled with paintings and sketches, some by her mother, and others painted by herself.

One evening, after tucking Lucy in for the night, her mother noticed a new drawing pinned to Lucy's notice board over her little desk. She picked it up and examined it with a puzzled expression. It was a coloured pencil sketch of a young boy around Lucy's age, wearing loose white pants and a black open vest. He was relaxing against a tree, his back pressed up against the thick trunk, grinning in such a way that his eyes were almost closed, his toothy smile taking up much of his face. His hair looked wild and windswept, its dusty pink colour contrasting with his tanned skin. A white patterned scarf was draped around his neck carelessy.

'Who is this a drawing of Lucy?', her mother asked, smiling while her hand traced over the pencil marks on the paper. 'I think this is one of your best drawings yet. He looks so cheeky!'

'Well, yes, he is rather cheeky', Lucy admitted with a smile. 'He just can't help it, even though I've tried to teach him better manners. He just doesn't see the point of them.'

'Where did you meet him. Have you met this boy at the park when you go out with Capricorn for natural history lessons?'

'No, not exactly' said Lucy, hugging her knees under her pale pink quilt. 'I've never seen him in the daytime. He visits me when I'm dreaming'.

'Dreaming?' her mother questioned, turning her attention away from the drawing in her hands and back to Lucy.

'Yes, we go on adventures!', Lucy exclaimed excitedly. 'Sometimes we go to the mermaid lagoon, and see Aquarius and Juvia. Other times we fight with Erza at Fairytail in the village so she can test out her new swords. And of course, I have to write down stories with Levy, so she can read them to the Lost Boys when I'm not there to tell them myself'.

Layla smiled, loving the imagination of her young daughter. She looked back at the drawing, noticing how detailed it was. 'Does he have a name, this adventurous friend of yours?'

'He is Natsu, of course', Lucy said with a smile. Then she sighed, and rested her head on her knees, slipping her arms down her legs. 'I just wish he was a real boy, and not an imaginary one. He just feels so real to me.'

Layla carefully pinned the pencil sketch back to the notice board where she had found it, and leaned in to give her only daughter one last bedtime hug. 'I wish sometimes that I had been able to give you some brothers and sisters to keep you company Lucy. I worry sometimes that your existence is far too lonely to be happy.'

Lucy squeezed her Mama back extra tight. 'I could never be lonely when I have you Mama. And Papa too, of course', she added as an afterthought.

Layla smiled as she stroked her daughter's cheek lovingly, before giving her a goodnight kiss. 'Alright. Sweet dreams my tiny star. And if you see Natsu, don't forget to give him a hug from me'.

'Of course Mama', Lucy replied. 'He doesn't have a Mama of his own, so he would probably love to know that you're thinking about him. He lives with his dad, Igneel – he's a fire dragon!'

'A dragon for a father, how exciting!' exclaimed Layla, giving her daughter a last 'boop' on the nose before standing to leave the small room. 'I bet you can't wait to get to sleep to go on more adventures. I'm glad you have a friend like Natsu in your dreams'.

'Best friend', yawned Lucy tiredly, tucking her hands under her chin as her eyes began to drift closed. 'Natsu is my best friend.'


	2. Chapter 2

All Fairy Tail characters do not belong to me, but to the one and only Hiro Mashima. I'm just borrowing them for a bit.

* * *

Lucy's eyes opened abruptly, and she flung herself upwards to sit up in her bed, sure she had heard a noise. Her skin felt sweaty, and she breathed heavily, affected by the nightmare that was quickly disappearing from her memory now that she was awake. The summer breeze drifted in through the window, smelling of the lavender bushes which grew out in the garden, ruffling the picture of Natsu pinned over her desk that she had drawn over two years ago. She switched on her bedside lamp and listened for a moment, and then breathed out, relieved. Just another nightmare. Lucy sighed deeply, clenching her fingers into the soft pink quilt on her bed. She hadn't had a good night's sleep since her mother had suddenly become ill over a month ago, and had hardly slept at all since her funeral last week.

She was just about to lay her head back down on her pillow when she heard the noise again. It almost sounded like a sob. Clutching the sweaty sheets and quilt in front of her like a shield, she sat up again slowly, carefully looking around the room. There under the window tucked up next to the bookcase sat a boy, around her age, clutching a ripped piece of white shimmering cloth to his chest with tears rolling down his cheeks. His pink messy hair seemed to glow in the moonlight. Lucy was startled, but she did not feel afraid to see this strange boy crying on her bedroom floor. She just wanted to help him.

'Boy', she said softly, 'why are you crying?'

The boy leapt to his feet, backing towards the window, furiously scrubbing his arm across his wet cheeks to wipe away the tears that had been there moments before. His eyes were wide with surprise, and Lucy heard the sharp intake of breath before he spoke.

'Wait, you can see me?' he exclaimed. 'You've never been able to see me before!' He straightened up to his full height, still carefully cradling the cloth in one hand.

Lucy's heart was beating wildly in her chest, so loudly that she felt sure that the boy must be able to hear it too. She must be dreaming again, but this felt too real to be a dream. She pinched the soft skin on the inside of her elbow, yelping out loud in pain when it hurt. This definitely wasn't a dream.

At the sound of her yelp, the boy grinned suddenly, one sharp fang peeking out over his bottom lip. 'What a weirdo', he laughed, his tears forgotten, pointing at her arm. 'Who does that to themselves?'

Lucy carefully slid off the bed, walking closer to the boy, and halting when she was about an arm's length away.

'What's your name?', she breathed out, cautiously, not daring to hope that she really was awake.

'Aww, c'mon Luce', he grinned mischievously, raising one eyebrow. 'You know my name. I'm Natsu!

Lucy smiled excitedly, almost dancing on the spot. 'I knew it! I knew you were real!' She hopped from one foot to the other and clenched her fists in her excitement, her pale pink nightgown fluttering in the summer breeze. 'But what do you mean that I couldn't see you before. And why were you crying?'

'I don't know why you can see me now', Natsu replied. 'I've visited you before in your room, but you never woke up, even when I pulled your hair.'

Lucy scowled at this, but Natsu ignored her reaction, suddenly remembering her other question. 'I was crying because I ripped my scarf on the tree when I was climbing in the window.' His eyes widened when he realised what he'd just said. 'Besides, I wasn't crying! A dragon's son doesn't cry!'

Lucy held out her hand to him. 'Can I see it?'

Natsu turned slightly, curling in on himself in a protective stance around his ripped scarf. He looked down at it, fingering the fabric lovingly, then looked into Lucy's eyes, examining her face. Her long golden hair was braided into a thick plait, hanging down over her shoulder onto her chest. Her wide brown eyes looked tired, and there were dark circles under them, standing out in her pale face. She looked… fragile. But her smile was warm, and she nodded at him encouragingly. He seemed to come to a decision, carefully handing the scarf to Lucy. She carried it over to her bed, and spread it out on the pink quilt so she could examine the rip. She was pleased to see that it was a straight line down the centre of the scarf, and that none of the fabric was missing. Natsu stepped behind her, leaning over her shoulder and craning his neck so that he could see what she was doing.

'I can fix this Natsu', she said calmly. 'It just needs to be sewn'.

'Really! You can really fix it! Thank you so much Luce!' And Natsu crushed her in an almost bone-breaking hug, lifting her slightly off her feet.

'Natsu, you need to keep quiet!' Lucy whispered furiously, trying to move her arms that were currently trapped by his hug. 'You'll wake up my father, and he'll be angry and ask you to leave, and then I won't be able to fix it for you!

'I'm not worried', said Natsu belligerently, but he quietened down all the same, while Lucy lifted down her sewing kit from the bookshelf, and began to rummage around in it, looking for the closest colour match of thread to the scarf. She moved to the top of the bed closer to the bedside lamp and sat cross legged with her back to the pillows as she began to carefully mend the scarf with the smallest stitches she could manage.

Natsu sat cross legged on the other end of the bed, watching her carefully, holding onto the fringing on the other end of the scarf gently, so as not to disturb her stitching.

'Thank you, Lucy, for fixing this', Natsu said quietly. 'This means a lot to me.'

Lucy glanced up at him and gave him a small smile, before continuing on with her work. She wasn't exactly sure how she knew it, but she knew this scarf was Natsu's most prized possession. She had never seen him without it, and she wanted to do her very best to make the repair as invisible as possible.

Although Lucy was doing her best to concentrate on fixing the scarf, she couldn't help all the questions hurtling through her brain. The boy that she had come to accept as nothing but a vivid dream was here, sitting on the end of her bed. She watched him cautiously underneath her lashes, taking note of his loose white pants and black vest. His rosy hair stuck up at the front, and his dark green eyes were looking intently at her fingers as she moved the needle and thread carefully. He looked just like she remembered in her dreams. How was he real? How was he here? She started as he suddenly looked into her eyes and grinned at her.

'Watcha lookin' at weirdo?'

Lucy huffed, blowing her fringe softly away from her face, but gave him a smile back, and continued on with her sewing.

'Was any of it real?' she asked Natsu softly, gently tugging the thread through the pearly scaled fabric of Natsu's scarf.

'Was what real, Luce?'

'The adventures, the mermaid lake, Fairytail, all our friends.

Natsu rubbed the back of his neck, looking as if he had expected a question along these lines, and was trying to think of a way to answer it to her satisfaction.

'Well, yes and no', he replied, sighing a little.

'What do you mean?'

'Well, I mean they were my adventures, and you just sort of, tagged along. You weren't really there though.'

'What!' exclaimed Lucy loudly, and then realising how loudly she had spoken, repeated in a heated whisper, 'What, do you mean, I wasn't there! I could see everyone, Erza, Juvia, Levy and everyone else? And you're real, so how was I not there?'

'I guess you were dreaming', Natsu explained. 'You used to just pop up, all of a sudden. And then you'd leave, just sort of disappear. I didn't know who you were, but you kept appearing, and I just sort of got used to you. Besides, even though I'm here with you, you shouldn't really be able to see me at all, you're human.'

'What, and you're not?', grinned Lucy, thinking Natsu was joking.

'Nope, I'm from Fairytail in Neverland. Son of Igneel the fire dragon, remember? Human children visit Neverland when they dream, but they never usually come back to the same place, and they usually just sort of hover in the background, looking all floaty. We don't usually talk to them either, they just watch stuff. It's very rare to see the same person more than once, but you seemed to really like talking and going on adventures with me.'

'Of course I like you, you're my friend!', Lucy replied heatedly. And then more uncertainly, 'Aren't you?'

'Best friends, Luce!', Natsu grinned. 'Why do you think I came looking for you? When you stopped coming, I was worried. Like I said, I got used to you hanging around. It took me a while to find you, too. I'm not really meant to come to the human world, but I knew I'd sniff you out eventually.'

'What do you mean, sniff. Are you saying I smell!?' Lucy looked up at him, offended.

'Everyone smells, yah weirdo! Remember, I've got a good nose. Or have you forgotten that time I sniffed out those strawberries on the mountainside for Erza so we could make her a birthday cake?'

Lucy smiled at the memory, thinking of the way the redhead's eyes had lit up at the strawberry shortcake they had made her. Hardly anyone else had even got a taste.

'No, I hadn't forgotten', she said softly.

'After I finally found you, I've been coming every night for a week, but I couldn't get you to wake up. And when you were awake, you couldn't see me. Why did you stop dreamin' about us Luce?'

Lucy sighed, and continued sewing the scarf carefully. 'I haven't been sleeping very well lately', she admitted, trying to think of a way to explain that wouldn't end up with her crying. She lowered her hands into her lap, still holding the needle and thread in one hand while the other held the scarf, her thumb placed over the last stitch so that she didn't lose the tension. Feeling the tears building as she thought of everything that had happened in the last month, she tried to calm herself by looking out the window into the night sky. Venus shone brightly and the stars twinkled against the darkness. Her bottom lip began to tremble, and her throat tightened, and she knew then that there would be no way she could stop the tears now.

'Luce?', Natsu said uncertainly, crawling cautiously closer to her on the bed. 'What happened?' He gently reached out his hand, placing it softly over the folded hands in her lap, rubbing the back of her top hand gently.

'She died, Natsu!', Lucy sobbed suddenly. 'Mama died, and I miss her so much!' She dropped the scarf between them and launched herself at Natsu, clinging around his neck with her arms, and sobbing hot tears onto his chest.

Natsu's eyes widened, and his hands whipped out to either side of her, windmilling uncertainly, as if he wasn't quite sure what he was meant to do with them. After a moment, he carefully placed one arm lightly around her waist and the other in the middle of her back, rubbing in soothing circles. He didn't say anything, but continued to rub her back while she sobbed, kneeling on the bed in front of him, her head tucked between his neck and shoulder. Gradually, her sobs subsided, and her breathing grew calmer. Natsu grasped her shoulders a bit awkwardly, moving her back slightly so he could look into her face. Her eyes were still closed, and her mouth was turned down at the corners. Usually when they met in her dreams, her bright brown eyes were focused on fun and adventure, and her mouth would be ready to giggle and laugh at all the silly things they got up to together. Right now, she looked almost the opposite of how he remembered her. He could almost feel his heart clench as he watched the last tears roll down her cheeks unchecked.

'He-ey Luce?' he murmured quietly, rubbing his thumbs gently on her shoulders. 'I'm not quite sure what I'm meant to say. What can I do? If there's anything, please tell me'. He gulped uncertainly. 'You're my best friend, and I don't know how to fix this.'

Lucy opened her eyes blearily. They felt puffy and achy from crying so hard, and Natsu's worried face looked a bit hazy. She tried smiling for him. It wasn't her best smile, and they both knew it, but it was a start.

'Natsu', she replied softly. 'You've already done something for me. You found me, and you hugged me while I cried.' She sighed bitterly. 'No one here has done that for me.'

Natsu stared at her, trying to understand. 'But, didn't your dad…' he stammered.

Lucy tried her wobbly smile again, but failed miserably. She gave up, and sighed. 'Papa doesn't want to see me at all. He said it's because he's so busy with work, but I think it's because I remind him of Mama. I haven't seen him since her funeral.

Lucy rubbed her eyes tiredly, and went back to fixing Natsu's scarf. She had been nearly finished before, and it would only take her a few more minutes. She pulled the last stitch tight and tied it off, snipping the thread close to the repair with her tiny golden scissors.

'There, all fixed, almost good as new', she said, handing the scarf back to Natsu. Natsu crowed delightedly, winding his scarf back around his neck and settling it into its usual position.

'Alright, and I'm back to being awesome again!', he grinned, bouncing slightly on the end of the bed.

'And of course, I had nothing to do with it', said Lucy, rolling her eyes at him.

'Well, you may have done a little', conceded Natsu, stroking his scarf lovingly now that it had been returned to its rightful position around his neck.

Lucy yawned, rubbing her eyes again. 'Natsu, how will you get back home to Fairytail?', she asked tiredly.

'Second star to the right, straight on 'til morning', Natsu replied proudly, full of energy now that he had his scarf back and had completed his mission of finding Lucy.

'What?', she replied, shaking her head. 'I must be tireder than I thought, that doesn't even make sense! How are those directions?'

'But they are', said Natsu. 'Luce! I've just had a great idea. You should come back with me. Right now. And you could see everyone again, and it would be real and you wouldn't be dreaming! C'mon, lets go!'. Natsu tugged on her arm, but Lucy pulled back.

'I can't go now, it's almost morning. I'll be expected at breakfast, and people will notice that I'm missing', she groaned, pulling the quilt over her head. 'I'm so tired Natsu. I can't remember the last time I had a really good sleep. I really want to go, but I just don't think I can right now.'

Natsu's excitement dimmed a little, but then he grinned. 'Ok', he agreed. 'Not tonight then. But how about tomorrow night?' I'll come as early as I can, and I'll bring Lisanna, so we can use some of her fairy dust so we can fly'.

Lucy peeked over the top of the quilt at him. 'We're going to fly', she repeated in a monotone voice. 'Yeah right Natsu, I'll believe it when I see it'. She pulled the covers back over her head.

'Well, you'd better believe it Luce, because tomorrow we're gonna cover that snarky butt of yours in fairy dust, and you're gonna fly to Fairytail.'

Lucy folded down the edge of her quilt again and looked carefully at Natsu. 'Natsu, I'm not really dreaming this am I? You're not some hallucination that I've come up with because I'm so lonely'. Her bottom lip began to tremble again, until Natsu pinched her on the arm.

'Hey, you idiot. Who said you could pinch me!', she cried out, hitting Natsu over the head with one of her pillows.

'What, you did it before!', said Natsu, holding up his arms and laughing, trying to fend off the pillow blows. 'And I just proved you're not dreaming. You should be saying thank you Natsu, you're my hero!'

Lucy ceased her pillow bombardment, and replied primly, 'Thank you Natsu, you're an idiot'.

'You need to get some sleep weirdo, you're getting your words mixed up.'

'Am not', huffed Lucy. 'Although…', she yawned so widely, she swallowed the rest of her words.

'Time for bed, sleepyhead', sing songed Natsu, placing the pillow back on the bed behind her. He pulled the quilt cover up over her shoulder, and watched as she tucked her hands up under her chin.

'You'll really come tomorrow, right?', said Lucy, as her eyes began closing all on their own.

'Course I will', replied Natsu, sitting himself back on the end of the bed. 'You just need to have a good sleep, so you're ready for all the fun stuff we're gonna do'.

'What will we do?', Lucy murmured sleepily.

'I dunno. I did promise Levy that if I found you that we would go to her house first. She needs some new stories; she's told all the ones that you left last time to the Lost Boys twice already'.

'Sounds good', said Lucy, her breathing beginning to sound more regular as she finally drifted off to sleep.

'Sweet dreams Luce', whispered Natsu. He moved from the end of the bed, ready to head back over to the window and begin his journey home. He stood beside Lucy for a moment, and then gently tucked a loose strand of hair that had drifted over her face back behind her ear. 'Sweet dreams'.

* * *

Natsu leapt from the tall pine tree next to Lucy's window, over to the window ledge. He went to push open the window, just like he had all the other times that week, but it was locked.

He rattled the window, calling out in a loud whisper, 'Luce, open the window, it's me, Natsu'. He cupped his hands over his eyes, trying to see inside the dark room. Looking over at the bed, he could see that it was made neatly, and was very empty.

'Luce!' he called out, risking a louder voice in an effort to find out where she'd got too. 'Where are ya, ya weirdo!' But no one answered.

Natsu sat down on the windowsill, prepared to wait. He waited for hours, but there seemed to be no movement anywhere in the house. Finally, getting tired of his cramped position on the windowsill, he jumped down to the ground and walked around the house, trying to find a way in. Rattling the back door, he realised the lock was loose, and managed to wiggle the door open.

Natsu tiptoed around the house. He hadn't really been in a human's home before, but surely this wasn't right. All the furniture was covered in white sheets. He began to feel uneasy, and moved quickly to find the stairs, being less careful about making a noise, and hoping that anyone he came across wouldn't be able to see him anyway.

He finally found the door to Lucy's room and swung the door open. 'Lucy, are you here?' he called out, but there was no answer. The house was completely empty. Natsu slumped silently onto Lucy's bed, laying his head down on her pillow. A crinkling noise beneath his head caught his attention, and he sat up again, finding a folded piece of paper with the word, 'Natsu' written on the front.

Natsu frowned. He wasn't the best reader, definitely not as good as Lucy, or Levy, or even Erza, but he could read. He carefully opened the paper.

'Natsu', he read, 'I am so sorry. I hope you find this letter. Papa is sending me away to a boarding school, and he is moving to the city to be closer to his work. I don't know if anyone will even be living in the house anymore. I'm not sure exactly where the school is, he wouldn't tell me. All I can hope is that I find you again in my dreams. I only wish I had gone with you last night. I miss you already. Love, your friend, Lucy'.

Natsu groaned, flopping back onto Lucy's bed, breathing in her scent. He wanted to scream, and break stuff, and…a lump grew in his throat, and a single tear rolled down his cheek. It had taken him a month to find her, a week to get her to wake up and talk to him, only to lose her again.

'Luce', he murmured, tucking the letter into a pocket in his loose pants, 'where are you?'

His hand moved in his pocket, nudging the little bag of fairy dust that Lisanna had grudgingly given him, to help Lucy fly back with him to Neverland. He thought of Levy waiting to share stories with Lucy, and Erza waiting, ready with a picnic. Erza.

'Oh Mavis', he gulped, frantically making his way towards the window and the dawn gradually beginning to make its way across the sky, 'Erza's gonna kill me.'

* * *

 _Author's Note: So, I've had such a lovely time over the last year reading all sorts of wonderful Fairy Tail fanfics, that I thought it was high time that I contributed one myself. I was washing up the other day, thinking about Natsu's character, and thought, he's such a little boy in some ways, that doesn't want to grow up, just like Peter Pan. And then I remembered the scene where Wendy sews Peter's shadow back on for him, after saying 'Boy, why are you crying?', and I just had to have a crack at it. This is my first fanfic, so I'm hoping it will turn out ok. It will meander a bit, partially following the Peter Pan storyline, and partly Fairy Tail storyline, and will overlap here and there. Oh, who am I kidding, I have no idea what's going to happen! I'll find out a bit before you do. I will say though, even though I will try to update once a week at least, I do have a young family, and that stuff always comes first. Ok, prologue and chapter one done and dusted. I'm all fired up!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Team Natsu and Co. don't belong to me. I just like bossing them around._

* * *

Lucy sighed heavily, and sat down on the firm, single bed in the dorm room that had been hers for the last five years, slightly shifting the precariously balanced suitcase she had been filling with her belongings only moments before. This was the last night she would ever spend in this room, and she wasn't sorry to be saying goodbye. It wasn't that the school had been an unpleasant or cruel place, but she had never felt like she belonged here, and she doubted anyone would miss her once she was gone.

She turned her head to look out the small window at the stars twinkling in the night. She could see Gemini and Taurus lighting up the winter sky, and she smiled at them like old friends. Finding the zodiac constellations always reminded her of her mother. Together, they had greeted each new season by finding stars of the zodiac up in the heavens. It had been a shared ritual, that marked the turning of the year, and she still took comfort in it.

She stood, stretching one arm up high above her head, tilting her neck and standing on tiptoe until she felt a satisfying 'crack' in her back. Turning back to her desk, she sighed again, looking at the accumulated years of schoolwork and papers that needed to be sorted through before she could sleep tonight. Aquarius would be coming to fetch her early in the morning, and she knew that it would not be to her advantage to keep her waiting, especially since they would probably be sharing a long car ride together. She should just dump it all. She doubted very much that she would need any of it, out in the real world.

Lucy grabbed a garbage bag and began methodically sliding papers into it without a care. Finally, having cleared the top of her desk, she reached into the drawers, finding only discarded paperclips and dust, until her hand touched upon something both smooth and bumpy that was stuck right at the very back, that must have fallen down behind the drawers themselves. Confused, she pulled the drawer out of the desk, and reaching her arm in almost to the shoulder, she grasped the object, and sat down at the now tidy desk. In her hands was a battered leather-bound sketchbook. The navy-blue cover was embossed with silver stars, and her initials, L.H. were there in the corner. The pages were crinkled at the edges, showing the warping effects of inks and watercolours, and the edge of the book was double the thickness of the spine.

Lucy felt tears prickle at the edges of her eyes. The sketchbook from her first few months here at the school, when she had felt so lost and alone. She thought back to the grief-stricken little girl she was then, only twelve, abandoned to the care of a high-quality girls' school by her absent father 'for her own good' only days after the funeral of her beloved mother. She had very little contact with Jude now, apart from polite letters wishing her 'happy birthday' and 'merry Christmas'. Lucy spoke more to Aquarius, his P.A., and she felt more love from the secretary's abrasive personality than his remote coldness. Her 17th birthday this year had come and gone without even a card from him, not that she had expected anything. She had received the first contact from him for a year only days before, a brief note informing her that Aquarius would be coming to the school to pick her up, and would be bringing her home. She didn't even know where 'home' was now, and was only vaguely surprised to find that she didn't really care.

Placing the sketchbook gently on the desk, she ran her fingers over the embossed cover, wiping off the dust that had accumulated around the silver stars. She could hardly remember what she had used the sketchbook for, having pushed most of that horrible time to the back of her mind. Sleepless nights where she had sobbed until she was exhausted, only to get up in the morning to begin the day with other cheerful girls that had no inkling of the misery that she felt. A few girls had tried to make friends, but her vague looks and monosyllabic answers during those first few months had earned her the reputation of being a quiet loner that spent her free time reading and drawing, with very little human contact. Gradually she had made a few acquaintances that she had spent time with during breaks and on the weekend, but no one that she had really shared her heart with. Her heart didn't seem to work that well now anyway. Her violent grief over losing her mother to death and her father to indifference had changed her, and the person she was before she came to attend the school felt like a stranger.

Opening the cover, she found a drawing that had been pasted onto the first page of the sketchbook. It was a coloured pencil sketch of a young boy with a wide smile and pink hair. His clothing was odd, white baggy pants that came down past his knee, and a black vest and white scarf. He seemed cheerful and cheeky, and something in the back of her mind tugged, a thought that she ought to know who this boy was. There was no name written on the paper. She knew that she had drawn this, but she had no recollection of it. Was it a character in a book that she had read when she was younger? She traced her fingers over the smile, feeling almost happy for a moment.

Turning the next page, she was startled to find a letter, in her own then childish writing, that began 'Dear Mama…'. She shut the book quickly and pushed it away from her to the back of the desk, breathing quickly. She didn't want to read it. Didn't want to feel that pain again. It was better to feel nothing, feel calm, feel empty. She had coped that way for years, finding that people didn't bother her if she protected herself with a calm exterior, and a slight smile that was pleasant, but did not invite closeness. She tried to calm down her breathing, tried to find the peaceful emotionless bubble that she usually surrounded herself with, but it was gone.

Memories began popping into her head, unasked for, unwanted.

 _Mama, the first time she had collapsed onto the studio floor, hitting her head on the edge of the desk, with blood spattering across the cement floor._

 _Mama, sitting in her bed after the doctor had left, smiling at her with eyes that weren't smiling, while her Papa stood with clenched fists behind her mother, avoiding her gaze._

 _Mama, coming home from hospital for the first time in weeks, only to be taken away again by ambulance in the middle of the night._

 _Mama, in a hospital bed, covered in wires and tubes, recovering from an operation that was meant to fix everything, but achieved nothing, while her father yelled abuse at the doctor in the hallway._

 _Mama, in her bed at home, clutching her hand, with her Papa holding Mama's other one, staring at her glassily, breath rasping in and out, while Lucy babbled, "I love you Mama! I love you so much!"_

 _Papa, beside her, watching the shiny black coffin being lowered into the ground._

Lucy pulled her knees up to her chest, trying to make herself into a small ball. It felt like her memories were attacking her, bombarding her. She couldn't breathe, and she felt panic overtaking her. She buried her face against her thighs, trying to draw a ragged breath, her eyes squeezed shut, her sobs shaking her so violently she felt as if she would fall. Her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. It felt like it was burning.

"I can't…" she sobbed. "I can't…". She felt a whisper in her ear, so soft that it was almost non-existent.

"Just breathe, Luce," the voice murmured. "You can do it. One deep breath. And then another. I know you're feeling frightened, but you can do it. Nothing will happen to you. I won't let anything happen to you. I'm right here with you. I'm right here beside you. It will be ok. Just breathe."

Lucy fought to take a deep breath. 'Great', her mind thought frantically, 'I've finally gone around the twist and I'm hearing voices'. But the voice seemed to be sensible, and comforting, and familiar in a strange way, so she did her best to follow the advice. Gradually, her sobs subsided, her breathing evened out, and she relaxed the iron grip she had on her legs. Bed seemed like a very good idea now. She didn't care about getting her room tidied anymore. Didn't care about packing. Didn't care about the future wrath of an impatient Aquarius. She just wanted the oblivion of sleep. No thoughts. No feelings.

She staggered upwards, and walked the few steps to her bed, placing her suitcase on the floor, and throwing the covers down. She didn't bother changing out of her clothes, but curled up on her side, tucking her hands under cheek. She hadn't felt that emotional in years, and she felt drained, exhausted. As she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts went back to the drawing of the boy, that looked like he should be familiar. A name popped into her head, one that she didn't immediately recognise, but she knew that she was right.

"Natsu", she breathed, as she finally succumbed to the pull of sleep. She almost thought she heard a sharp intake of breath, and then a soft chuckle, and the same voice that had comforted her just a few minutes before breathed in her ear again.

"Get some sleep, Weirdo."

* * *

 _My deepest apologies. This chapter has been rattling around in my head for weeks, but I knew writing it would be difficult. Grief is a tricky beast, and you never quite know when it's going to bite you, especially as some of Lucy's memories are based loosely on some of mine. I was worried writing this chapter would be a little triggering for me, so I was avoiding it, but I can't get Lucy to Natsu without her actually dealing with mentally running away from her emotions. So, I'm afraid she will have to deal with stuff. So much easier to hide in the short term, but so much harder when it hits you later._

 _Anyway, this was going to be a much longer chapter, but I decided to split it so that I had something to keep you going. Thank you so much to those of you that have favourited and followed. I get so much enjoyment from reading fan fiction, and the thought that others are reading something that I have written makes me happy._


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